Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Adding Details

We are working on making our writing more interesting 
by adding details. 
Details give the reader more information and help them to make pictures in their mind.

Do you have any feedback for these writers?


  1. I enjoyed reading your detailed stories.I liked the words Yaksh used to describe what the wind did to his clothes and his hair. I pictured a massive crayfish in Westport as Elizabeth said it took them all night to eat it! I have used a shovel to dispose of a dead mouse too,Mason. Paige is a helpful person to have around. I wasn't at school for your family blogging afternoon but now I have a picture in my mind after reading your stories,Tyla and Ganda. What informative stories you write B4.
    Mrs Lewis B5

  2. Dear B4,
    I am so impressed with how beautifully you are all writing. Adding details so that readers can make mind pictures is one of my favourite strategies and I thought you all did a marvellous job of it!

    Yaksh-I loved when you described your hair blowing and your clothes hugging your body. I felt like I was there on your bike with you and boy were we going fast! I almost reached for a tissue to wipe the tears from my eyes. Do your eyes sometimes water when you bike really fast?

    Mason-I thought your choice of words to describe how you got rid of the dead mouse was perfect. I would certainly "chuck" it over the fence as well!

    Paige-Your time at the hotel sounds like it was exciting. I like how you described the bunny cookies. My mouth is watering just thinking about them.

    Tyla-The Family Blogging Afternoon sounds like it was a huge success. I could see all of the students in B4 as teachers and the parents as the students. In my mind picture I imagined the parents sitting in little chairs.

    Elizabeth-After reading your description of the crayfish your family ate, I found myself feeling very full! You also have me very curious about the seagulls. I can't imagine catching seagulls while fishing.

    Ganda-After reading your piece about the Family Blogging Afternoon I feel like I really missed out on a great time. I like how you added a lot of detail and I thought your illustration was very beautiful too.

    I can't wait to read more!

    Your friend,
    Mrs. W
    Sointula, Canada

  3. You are such wonderful writers - wow! I can really see how hard you are trying to add interesting details. Keep up the awesome work! I look forward to reading more as you develop through the year. Go B4!

  4. Hi B4. I enjoyed reading your writing. That crayfish sounded delicious Elizabeth. I enjoy getting the meat out of the legs. Do you?
    From Mrs Eden Room 14 Richmond School.

  5. Dear b4
    I have a connection to Mason one, once Tristan found a dead mouse in the bath room before going to school so mum chucked it in the backyard.

    your friend

  6. Dear B4 I I had fun with Emily at school.

    from Stevie