Friday, May 18, 2012

The Tale Trail - Part 3

Our collaborative writing project with five other classes, the Tale Trail, continues right here! 
Several weeks ago, the classes voted on a topic for the story and the idea with the most votes was “An underground tunnel is found under the school. It takes you to…”  
Mr. Salsich's class started the story.  
Mrs Yollis' class continued with Part 2.
We will now add our part to the story,  and then Mr Avery's class will continue it.

Suddenly Tiffany heard Max call her name. She quickly turned and saw a packet of cotton candy flying through the air towards her. Tiffany reached out and grabbed it. "Mmm, cotton candy IS delicious. I'll have it later," she thought to herself, but she still said to Max, "Maximilian, hurry up!"
The cotton candy came flying through the air.

Max knew Tiffany was very upset and angry so he scurried after her.

When Max caught up he grabbed Tiffany by the hand and exclaimed, "Let's take a break and decide what to do."
Tiffany agreed so the two children sat down and started to talk. "I don't know how Ben Franklin and the carnival got there but I don't want to go back to it," announced Tiffany.
"Okay, we won't," agreed Max, "but let's not go back to school yet."

Tiffany leaned against the wall. CRAAAACK! SMAAAASH!
A part of the wall moved like a secret door! Tiffany was alarmed but Max was excited. He rushed through the opening. Tiffany stood watching and feeling scared.
A secret door opened in the wall.

Suddenly the door started to close. Tiffany quickly thought, "I'm nervous to go in there but I don't want to be separated from Max."
She charged through the gap and the door slammed shut.
The children pushed and heaved at the door, but it was no use.

Max and Tiffany stared around them.
"What place are we in?" they wondered.
"How did that happen?" exclaimed Tiffany.
"I don't know, but let's find out," replied Max, as they were looking down at some steep, stony steps.

They were in a cave. It was spacious and rocky. There were fire torches on the walls!
The cave was big and rocky, with fire torches on the walls.

"Do you think someone else has been here?" asked Tiffany.
"I think so," answered Max. "Shall we explore?" begged Max.
"Absolutely!" answered Tiffany, "but first let's eat this cotton candy." .....
A map of the journey so far.

What do you think will happen next?

You can read Part 4 on Mr Avery's class blog here.
You can read Part 5 on Mrs Watson's class blog here.
You can read Part 6 -The Conclusion on 4KM&4KJ's blog here.


  1. Dear Mrs McKenzie and B4,

    What a wonderful post! I enjoyed reading the third part of the Tail Trail. The pictures were good.

    I liked how in the story you used paragraphs so you could read it clearly and instead of words like said someone you said exclaimed and words like that.

    It's going to be a big mystery of what happens next. It's all up to Mr Avery and his class on that one. I wonder if Tiffany and Max are ever going to get back to school and leave the tunnel? The tunnel is pretty cool! I was very suprised when we found out that their was a carnival underground.

    What do you think will happen next?


    1. Dear Skye

      we like your Reply Skye. thank you for liking the the Tale Trail Skye

      by jonathon

  2. Dear B4,

    Hi, we are Emily and Leah from Mrs Morris and Miss Jordan's grade.

    What a terrific post!I really liked part three of the story. It was really interesting story and it was a very exciting.

    Our favourite part was when the door opened because it was so unsuspected.

    We can't wait to finish the story and just write our part. We really want to see what Mr Avery's part as well.

    From Emily and Leah

  3. Wow B4! I have just been reading the Tail Trail and I am impressed with the interesting verbs and adjectives you have all been using.I look forward to reading some more.
    From Mrs Eden
    Richmond School.

  4. Dear B4,
    We all think that you did a marvelous job writing part 3 of the story. None of us predicted that there would be a secret door! We loved all the descriptive details you included.

    Sophie-I think they will get sick from the cotton candy and they will be stuck down there.

    Karin-I think they might keep going and find someone else who was famous with something even more weird.

    Ana-I think they will go to this world that is all candy and the president of it is Abraham Lincoln.

    Kennedy-I think that the cotton candy had some sort of sleepy stuff in it. They fall asleep and when they wake up they are in a prison in a different place.

    Gwendalynn-I liked how the characters were expressive in the story.

    Solomon-I liked the pictures.

    Jacob-I liked the picture of the fire torches.

    We can't wait for part4!

    Your friends,
    Mrs. Watson and the 2/3s

  5. Dear Mrs. McKenzie and B4,

    Wow! The Tail Trail part three is amazing! What high level vocabulary and sensational onomatopoeia! We wonder what Mr. Avery will write. Also, we love your pictures, especially the map!

    We helped write The Tail Trail part two. First, we listed ideas, and Mrs. Yollis noted our ideas. Royce's idea was the snake's tongue licked at the hot dogs every time he rode the Ferris wheel around one time. He also drew the illustration of Tiffany and Max arriving at the carnival.

    ⚔⚓⚔⚓⚔⚓⚔⚓⚔⚓⚔⚓R♔yce and Et☆i⚓⚔⚓⚔⚓⚔⚓⚔⚓⚔⚓⚔

    1. Dear Royce and Eta

      thack you for liking my map we like your Reply. i like your comment.

      i hope you Reply back.

      by jonathon

  6. ♥Ell♥e♥ and ♥Alexandra♥May 19, 2012 at 9:36 AM

    Dear B4,

    We both adored your part of the Tale Trail. Both of us treasure your idea of the secret cave, and especially loved the cotton candy addition.

    Ellie thinks that inside the cave there is a river that leads to a different dimension were every person does the exact opposite of the regular people.

    Alexandra thinks that there is an aquarium filled with creepy anglerfish and gulper eels that you have to swim through to get to the other side. We cannot wait to hear what happens next!

    ♥Ell♥e♥ and ♥Alexandra♥

  7. ♥ Leila, Kelly, and Sarah ♥May 19, 2012 at 9:37 AM

    Dear B4,

    We loved your post of the Tale Trail! Sarah and Leila adored the onomatopoeia. Kelly liked the part when Tiffany said that she liked the cotton candy.

    We treasure your part of the story.

    What will happen next? Sarah and Kelly think that they'll explore the cave and then find someone who is selling more cotton candy. Leila thinks that they will find someone who is trying to get out, but they are stuck.

    We also treasured your illustrations. They where superb!

    ♥ Leila, Sarah, and Kelly ♥

  8. Mrs. Y♥llis and ClassMay 19, 2012 at 9:40 AM

    Dear B4,

    We favor the high quality paragraph that you produced! Here are some thoughts that specific students had. Notice the synonyms for said!

    Parsa remarked, "I liked the part where Tiffany leaned against the wall and it broke into a cave."

    Brenden stated, "I liked their use of onomatopoeia!"

    Mia complimented, "I love all the adverbs, verbs, and adjectives you added! I especially like 'heaved' and 'spacious'."

    Acacia exclaimed, "I enjoyed your high level vocabulary like 'scurried'!"

    Sasha announced, "I love how you ended the carnival setting and started the cave theme."

    Logan said gratefully, " I loved how you drew a realistic map under the school."

    Trey said with a lick of his tongue, "I liked the cotton candy floating through the air. Yum!"

    We can't wait to see what happens next with Mr. Avery's class!

    Your friends,
    Mrs. Y♥llis

  9. Dear B4,

    What a fabulous addition to the Tale Trail adventure! I really enjoyed how you took the story into a different direction by having Tiffany and Max stumble upon a cavern lit with fire torches. You have given Mr. Avery's class a great lead to follow up on.

    I was very impressed by the excellent verbs and adjectives you used. Some of my favorite vibrant verbs were; scurried, exclaimed, announced, charged, heaved, and begged. A few of my favorite adjectives were; upset, alarmed, and spacious.

    I also admired the illustrations very much. The one of the secret opening was interesting because the yellow and black lines made it look hypnotic, like it was receding into the wall. The map was also quite cool - what a great idea to keep track of their adventures as the story progresses!

    Fantastic writing and illustrating by all!

    Your friend,
    Mr. Salsich

    1. Dear Mr. Salsich
      Thank you for the comment.I read your bit of the Tale Trail.I thought it was loyal!
      I can NOT wait until the story is done.I think the most loyal part was when they fell down the gap in the door.
      Your friend Paige ♥

  10. Dear MR Sallslch

    The word charged was the word I said.
    Anywho it was exciting finding out that the tunnle under had the most votes.

    from Ian

  11. Dear B4 and Mrs. McKenzie,

    We enjoyed the twist in the Tail Trail, we did not think we were going to end up in a cave!

    Hashani thinks Tiffany and Max are going to find a lot of bees next.

    Dylan thinks they'll end up in the principals office next.

    Jack thinks Tiffany and Max will turn around and see old cavemen!

    Connie thinks Tiffany and Max will end up back at the playground really soon.

    Olivia thinks Tiffany and Max will end up in a room of gold.

    Leeah thinks Tiffany and Max will go out of the cave and the world has been reveresed.

    Isabelle thinks after Max and Tiffany eat the cotton candy they will turn around and see their teacher waiting for them.

    Jina thinks they will find another carnival.

    Chelsea thinks after they eat the cotton candy they will find some doors and go to another place.

    We live in Australia. Did you know? That here we call cotton candy, fairy floss!

    How did you make your part of the story so interesting? Did you write it individally and pick the best parts or did you write it as a class?

    3/4M and Miss Jenkins.

  12. Dear B4 and Mrs. McKenzie,

    I've been reading the parts in "Tale Trail" sequentially and have had a great time with the developing storyline. Mrs. Yollis and class left me wondering what will happen as Tiffany tries to leave and Max wants to say so now I'll read your part of the story.

    Great start, Max has shown he is sensitive to Tiffany's concerns. Perhaps when the secret door opened, Tiffany might have wished they hadn't sat to talk.

    Your ending has left many options for the next class so I had better see where the story leads now. Thank you for sharing your part of the story.

    Teacher, NSW, Australia